Mortality and Time

In any discussion of what causes us to fear our mortality, the issue of time plays a central role. The prospect of dwindling time on earth can be quite unsettling for any of us, but especially patients with a terminal illness, and perhaps most particularly for those who have recently made the decision to undertake hospice care.  This awareness of limited time can generate negative questions and feelings about things not accomplished, opportunities not taken, and other regrets. Why didn’t I spend more time with my family instead of working so much? Why did I never make the time to take that special trip that I always wanted to take? Why did I hoard my savings for that “someday” that came and went?  We all have thoughts about how our time could have been better spent, but the trouble comes when these thoughts create a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness.  But it doesn’t have to be this way.  Isn’t there another more life-giving way to think about time?

The thing about time is that it’s there until it’s not.  When I talk to patients with cancer about this issue, we talk about the reality of limited time.  Physical limitations from disease symptoms or treatment side effects may prevent a person from fulfilling big bucket list items.  But even in cases of diminishing energy reserves and physical capabilities, there are always ways to use the time left to good effect.   What are the small things that bring you joy?  What brings peace to your heart?  Who do you like to spend time with?  What simple activities engender a feeling of satisfaction or gratitude?  Maybe it’s sitting on the porch watching a sunset.  Or a phone call with an old friend filled with laughter and tears.   Or a drive through old familiar neighborhoods to visit the home where you grew up.  Or enjoying your grandkids romp around the playground.  Or a stroll through a quiet woods, listening to the birds and rustling leaves.  Maybe it’s reading that book you always wanted to get to but never made time for.  Or listening to your favorite song, the one that inevitably gives you goosebumps and wells up your eyes. All of these simple moments are precious and not easily dismissed.  So what if you never got around to accomplishing the big goal?  At least you’re now making time for the small but equally important moments.

Regret steals the time we have right now and the time ahead of us, not just the time that we failed to use well in the past.  We don’t need to develop an advanced cancer or terminal illness to gain this appreciation.  We can all choose to think about time differently, embracing the opportunities in front of us, savoring the small but meaningful moments, or finally finding the courage to pursue a passion that might just make the world a little bit better.  As the wise St. John Henry Newman observed “Fear not that your life shall come to an end, but rather that it shall never have a beginning.”