Patience (part 2): Getting to know your patients
Patience is one of the most difficult virtues to maintain these days. In the medical world, the pressures facing both physicians/healthcare providers and patients present enormous obstacles to patience. Cultivating this virtue can enrich our experience, be it as a physician/provider or a patient.
Being an oncologist, the topic of most of my visits with patients revolves in some way around cancer. For virtually all of us, who either know or love someone with cancer, or may have even had cancer ourselves, it goes without saying that cancer usually becomes the focal point of life for a significant passage of time. And justifiably so, given the threatening implications of a cancer that misbehaves.
For as long as I have been an oncologist, I have made it a practice to read and save the obituaries of my patients who have passed away to honor their memory and our physician-patient relationship. These relationships often become quite close, and losing a patient many times feels like losing a friend or family member. I remember our conversations, the patient’s symptoms and side effects and struggles, their family’s devoted support.
But what has struck me most recently is the untold story of the patient’s life that I never knew. The life behind the cancer diagnosis, and the CT scan results, and the treatment discussions, and the goals of care. Sure, like every doctor, I make it a point to get to know some things about a patient’s life outside of cancer, but much of this seems superficial upon reading their obituary.
The richness of their stories is amazing, and inspiring, and humbling.
“…was a cattle rancher before he invented the…”.
“…sewed clothes and blankets for the area’s needy for 40 years.”
“…made the best chicken soup for her many grandchildren…”
“…played on the world championship team…”
The pace of medicine has become so frantic these days that time pressures become a major barrier to knowing one’s patients in a deeper way. If we truly believe that the art of healing still resides in the physician-patient relationship, then we must find ways as a healthcare system to foster this. We must value the time spent with patients above the time spent with the electronic health record. For the individual provider in the midst of a busy clinic day, mindfulness of the importance of patience may help. Instead of rushing off to the next task, or letting the mind stew on the difficulty of the patient’s situation, perhaps taking a few minutes to ask a question about the patient’s non-medical history or their family or their hobbies. Sure it might make you a little late for the next thing on your schedule. But the reward of really getting to know someone that you are caring for, rather than just their tumor size on the CT scan or their latest side effect, is a pearl of great price. And when you read the obituary, you can smile and shed a tear and say “What a life…and I’m grateful that I took the time to get to know her.”
