Reaching Out
Everyone else seems to have it all together. Security and stability. Health and wealth. Friends and trends. Smiles all around. Not a care in the world, everything’s looking up. But what’s going on inside? My guess is that everyone you meet has struggles of some sort. Hidden from public appearances and maybe even from our closest loved ones. Perhaps it’s a nagging pain that you know you should get checked out by your doctor. Maybe it’s a fear of catching a virus that might make you ill. Or worries about the future or unresolved issues from the past that you can’t stop ruminating on. It could be a feeling of loneliness in a world where everyone seems so connected. Or a sense of rejection after no one checked in on you after a big surgery/hospitalization or new cancer diagnosis or after a spouse has passed away. Or isolation from the feeling that no one understands you…or even cares. Whatever form of struggle that you can imagine, somebody is grappling with it. Maybe the person sitting next to you. Maybe the person that seems to have it all together.
One of the key practices of the Lenten season leading up to Easter is almsgiving. In its most common definition, almsgiving is interpreted as giving away some of one’s money to charity. But another way that we could consider almsgiving is in the manner that we give ourselves to others in need. Specifically, reaching out to others. Our natural inclination is to avoid complication; to look the other way assuming that someone else will offer help; to pick up the pace and walk on by pretending not to notice; or to assume things are fine with someone because you haven’t heard any different. Maybe it’s because you didn’t think to ask or don’t really know what to say, so you just ignore the situation. I mean, what do you say to someone who was just diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer? Keep a positive attitude and you’ll beat this? Or to someone who lost their job and is having trouble finding a new career? There are plenty of places hiring…you should have no problem? Better to not say anything, than to say the wrong thing, right? But these approaches only heighten loneliness.
Reaching out can take many forms, to suit each’s style and comfort level. Call or email an old friend that you haven’t heard from in a while, but that you think about now and then. Send a simple text message if time is short. Visit someone who is recovering from an illness, who may need a hand with running errands or just need someone to chat with to get their mind off the stress. Wave to a stranger as they drive by. Greet someone you only know as an acquaintance with the enthusiasm that you would an old friend. If someone seems down, ask them how they are doing and stick around long enough to really listen to their answer with intention. Especially coming out of these complicated last few years, think about all the people that you used to see but no longer do. Are they gone? Or are they just isolated? What if they themselves are wondering if anyone misses them, or even notices their absence?
St. Therese of Lisieux once said, "A word or a smile is often enough to put fresh life in a despondent soul." We may never know the impact of the smallest gesture on another’s life. There are many stories of some seemingly inconsequential meeting or friendly piece of advice or random act of kindness that changed the course of someone’s life. Lifting a person’s spirits often doesn’t take much. Just knowing that someone out there took the time to call or write or stop by makes all the difference. For a moment, that dark feeling of isolation is pierced by a crack of light that allows hope to sneak in.
And wouldn’t you know it, reaching out to others brings us out of our own isolation as well. It allows us to forget about our own struggles, however briefly, and realize that connection with each other is what makes life worth living. To return to the wisdom of St. Therese, her legacy was reminding us of “The Little Way,” that path of love and service that each of us can give, no matter how small or insignificant we may feel or what our circumstance in life may be. When we feel like what we can offer is too little (be it due to lack of time, lack of funds, lack of energy, or lack of whatever), our littlest effort to reach out may be the biggest thing that happens to someone else today! So maybe this Lenten season of waning winter and emerging spring, let’s try to stretch ourselves just a bit to reach out to those who may be struggling and may benefit from knowing that someone cares.
