Unwanted Reminders (or the Sword of Damocles)
The life of a patient with cancer or any chronic illness is filled with unwanted reminders. Daily pillbox reminders of medications that would rather be avoided. Appointment reminders of unwanted but necessary medical visits. Physical reminders of body changes, be it from surgical or radiation scars, or new limitations in what one previously could do with ease. Mental reminders of complex decisions that loom. And existential reminders of the uncertainty and worry that always simmer in the background, bubbling over when least expected.
One of the biggest unwanted reminders for many patients is the monitoring (or surveillance) scan. For those without personal or family/friend experience with cancer, the surveillance scan is scheduled at some interval, often every 3 to 6 months, to confirm that the cancer is still in remission or not growing, or conversely to see if it is recurring or progressing. Scans come in many varieties (x-rays, mammograms, CT scan, PET-CT scans, bone scans, MRI’s) but they all carry with them the reminder that the patient once had or still has cancer. Which in turn carries the additional reminder of all the chaos that cancer can cause to one’s life plans.
Let us recall the myth of the sword of Damocles for perspective. Damocles was a courtier to King Dionysius II of Syracuse, and upon opining on how luxurious the king’s life appeared, was offered the chance to temporarily sit on the throne for a day to experience the king’s life…but with one caveat. The king had a sharp sword suspended by a single hair from a horse’s tail above Damocles’ head on the throne to show him what it felt like to be king. Of course, the fear of anticipating the worst outcome (the sword falling on his head) was too much for Damocles and he resigned the throne. Roman statesman Cicero explained “nothing is happy for him over whom terror always looms.”
In modern terms, this phenomenon is often described as “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Maybe the next scan will be good news, and life can continue as is. Major worry goes on the back burner. But maybe the scan won’t be good, and all plans are put on hold as the focus again becomes dealing with the day that we didn’t ever want to happen. Living with the possibility that the next scan could be life-changing and even possibly life-threatening is an awful burden to bear, but one that is born every day by millions of patients with a history of cancer. The funny thing is that we all honestly encounter each day with the distinct possibility that it could be a good one where things stay on track, or a very bad one where everything goes off the rails. There is not very much that separates those two. Having cancer just crystallizes that awareness into a concrete sword or shoe (depending on your preferred metaphor).
While ancient mythology doesn’t provide us a way forward for this predicament, the Bible offers clear guidance. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus delivers perhaps one of his most poignant teachings for the patient with cancer or chronic illness, and in fact for all of us dealing with the stressors of modern life. “Which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life?…Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day” (Mt 6:27, 6:34). This is a one of those crystal clear pieces of advice that intuitively makes sense but is so hard to apply to our daily lives. But what if we could? What if we could be here today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow? We very often live our lives in the “what if’s” and “what’s next” but very rarely in the right here, right now. If you think back over the best moments of the past week, or even the past day, I wonder perhaps if all of them were experienced in the now rather than anywhere else. The sword may fall, the other shoe may drop, the scan may show something we didn’t want to see…but if that didn’t happen today…well, I call that a blessing from God for which we can be thankful!
